News travels fast around here
by SpiffyLucylu
Summary: There's a big announcement coming and it's the talk of the Burg, if only they could figure out what it was. Always a babe.
1. The big announcement

**This is the answer to a dialogue prompt on the Babe and Plum family challenges group on Facebook. Once again, the opportunities for mischief were too good to ignore. The challenge line is in bold.**

 **All the cool kids get to sit at JE's table. We don't make anything on this except for mistakes... Let us know what you think, We'd love to hear from you.**

I sat at the head of the conference table and surveyed the gathered employees. This was an all hands on deck meeting, and everyone was currious as to why they were assembled. Stephanie came rushing in, late as usual, and closed the door behind her. Once she took her seat, I began. "Men," I could see Babe rolling her eyes in the seat next to mine and Ella shake her head, but I plowed on, "I know you have undoubtedly heard the most recent rumors floating around the building." Les wiggled his eyebrows and I resisted the urge to sigh. "Well, this time they're true." A commotion broke out among the men, but they quieted down after I glared at them for a minute. Once everybody had settled down, I continued. "We want to make this news public next Friday. I would like each of you to think about the best way to spread the news for maximum exposure."

Les jumped up from his seat. "You should rent that billboard right across the street from the TPD. Nothing like Neon and flashing lights to draw the attention!" He did a quick bump and grind before he sat back down and Ram fist-bumped him. This is the kind of thinking that I wanted, so I nodded at him.

Babe spoke up next. "Perhaps we could do it with a contest at the Tasty Pastry. We could make brownies with little clues on them, and if anybody figures it out before next friday, they get a prize!"

Ella brightened at that idea. "I have that recipe for chocolate, cashew, and almond energy bars that we could use. I know you love them, Stephanie."

Babe muttered, "I should have known she wasn't sneaking me brownies." When everyone laughed, she looked at me and said, "Out loud?" I nodded and she buried her face in her hands. It was still a good idea, though.

Hal raised his hand. When I acknowleged him, he said, "Sir, maybe we could give away a car with the news painted on it, like a rolling advertisement."

Hector nodded, "sí, voy a pintarlo, se verá hermoso." (Yes, I will paint it, it will look beautiful) Since Hector had designed all of his own tattoos, that seemed like a good idea, too.

Tank was the next one to speak. "Have you thought about one of those planes with a banner on it flying over the whole town? I know Ace would fly that for you."

Cal shook his head, "Not a banner, Skydivers. Man, people would freak if they saw a sky full of parachutes."

Slick was nodding and grinning. "Oh, Hells, yeah!"

Bobby said, "You know those signs that people put in their yards? The ones that say things like 'Welcome home' or 'It's a boy'?" Babe looked like she was going to faint, so Bobby quickly clarified, "Not that anyone is pregnant, I was just talking about the yard signs. Well, I was thinking that we could get a boatload of those and plant them in yards all over town. Make sure everyone sees them."

The guys continued to shout out their ideas. Some were funny, some were outrageous, and I'm pretty sure two of them were illegal. Once they started to taper off, I leaned towards my Babe and stage whispered, "Sounds pretty good, you think we should do them all?"

Stephanie giggled and said, " **That is a terrible, horrible, incredibly foolish idea. Let's do it and see what happens.** "

I spoke to the men one more time. "I want written proposals on how we can do these things legally," I looked at Binkie, who was trying to look innocent, "on my desk by 1600. If you come up with any other ideas, write them up and submit them. Dismissed." I took Babe's hand and we walked out of the room.

 **Les POV**

As soon as Ranger and Steph left the room, everyone looked at Hector. He typed on his computer until the projector flashed a huge betting pool chart on the wall. Once we saw who had won the pool, we all groaned.


	2. One Week Only

**All hail Margaret for coming up with a brilliant Chapter Two. We have been having so much fun with the Burg Busybodies that I can't believe there's only one chapter left to go.**

 **BTW, the same disclaimer as usual goes here! :-)**

All it took The next Monday was a flyer in the Trenton Times for all of Chambersburg to go mad. Nothing says _exclusive offer_ more than a bright-as-hell yellow flyer.

 **ONE WEEK ONLY**

 **Contest by Tasty Pastry.**

 **Buy One, Get One Free.**

 **You must register at www dot tastypastry** **dot com** to be eligible to win the grand prize of a 2015 Buick. Your customer number will be given to you at end of registration, drivers license will be SCANNED upon entering.

 **Each day sales of Buy 1 get 1 Free Brownie Bars gets you in the running for the Grand prize IF you guess what the symbols on the Brownie Bars pertain to EACH DAY. NO CUPCAKES SOLD while contest is ongoing. 4 days purchase REQUIRED. Log into the site each day and leave your guess, if you miss one day you are out of the running.**

 **ONLY GOOD FOR CHAMBERSBURG AREA. Proof of residency required. Winner will be announced on Friday.**

 _ **x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x all over the 'Burg x0x0x00x0x0x0x0x**_

 **PLUM HOME.**

Helen's eyes lit up in joy. Finally! A contest just tailor made for her. Trying to ignore the part about no Cupcake's being sold, she almost gleefully skipped to the desktop computer that _just showed up one day on their doorstep._

Booting it up, Helen never even saw the blinking red dot at the top right corner of the monitor come on. Licking her lips in anticipation of what tomorrow would bring, she happily went off to bed after registering for the start of tomorrow's contest. Laying her matching polyester clothes out, she went to bed with a smile on her face dreaming of a new car.

 _ **Helen needed some happy after what she had been living through these past months.**_

Little did she know that Frank had already been clued in by his own sources and had secretly been texting with his 'comrade in arms' Joe Juniak. They knew the shit would hit the fan all over town once the results of the contest were made public. He could hardly wait. It had been almost too quiet in the Plum home for sometime now, save for the Friday nights when his eldest daughter and her family came for dinner.

Edna had moved into Stephanie's old apartment and the seniors had asked Rangeman to make it secure enough to allow only certain visitors to enter. The 24 hour guards they provided were more than enough to turn Helen off from ever visiting her mother again. The fact that she was not on the approved visitor list was besides the point. She still blamed Rangeman for giving her daughter a job and a secure phone she couldn't get the number to. This was just the tipping point for the coldest relations since the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Helen even showed up at Vinnie's bonds office, trying to find her daughter only to be laughed at. The weasel himself came out of his office to tell her that Stephanie quit sometime ago. Helen left in a huff with his words ringing in her ears, "What kind of Mother can't find their own child? Surely not the Queen of Gossip." She fumed in humiliation.

 **o0(Monday)0o**

Up at the butt-crack-of-dawn, Helen had her shower done and was dressed in record time. She turned the coffee pot on for Frank as she raced out the door. She was determined to be the first one in line for the start of the week long sale. Helen was a woman on a mission this morning, she didn't even remember the coffee cake Frank had asked her for.

A few blocks away, Angie Morelli was also gearing up for this sale, having pre registered already. She had plans to meet with Helen and was on her way out the door, humming softly to herself. Glad to know her son, Joseph would be coming home in about ten days, she thought of maybe freezing some of her treats as a 'welcome home son' present.

Lula rolled over to her ringing cell phone, living on the outskirts of the burg while still technically in it, she saw her partner-in-crime was on the phone. "Lu, did you register for that Tasty Pastry contest? I tried but my address is outside the Burg. Get your spandex wearing ass out of bed and go buy us the box of bars. You know I'm always up for a challenge and you and I will be cruising in the car when we win!"

"I'm on it girlfriend, but this spandex has seen better days. Vinnie don't pay me enough to afford new clothes, ever since I'm just doin' filing, I can barely afford rent. That new bounty hunter don't pay me like Stephanie did. After all I did for her anyway, that white girl's lucky she's still alive anyway..." Lula huffed out.

"Just do it Lula, and we'll talk about it when you get here. Don't forget to take your drivers license either."

Traffic congestion was outrageous, with all the Burg busybodies in a line forming in front of the Tasty Pastry. Glad to have hired extra help the owner flipped on the open switch and unlocked the door.

"Folks! You **must have your drivers license ready to be scanned, don't forget that each day you will be required to do so.** No loitering to see what's in the box, you need to go home and send us your guesses each day. Good Luck!"

Helen and her own 'partner-in-crime' followed the rules, each secretly glad they were first in line. Everyone could hear the loud mouth of Lula who was further back. She was trying to cut in line to no avail it seemed, they weren't letting the canary yellow spandex wearing loud mouthed woman in front of them!

Helen and Angie each departed like content women who succeeded over everyone else, the boxes clutched in their hands. Going their separate ways, they agreed to carpool each following morning.

Arriving home, Helen called Frank down to get his morning treat. She pulled a casserole dish out of the fridge to be warmed up for their breakfast while a pool of saliva formed at the corner of her mouth thinking about her brownie treats.

Frank came downstairs to see what all the 'excitement' was about. Standing beside his wife it was hard to contain his grin while peering into the box at the writing on the brownie bars:

 _ **C**_ on the first bar.

and

 _ **S**_ on the second one.

"What the hell is this Helen? I wanted Coffee cake, not some damn alphabet brownies."

"Frank we could win a new car if I can figure it out. Surely a week worth of brownies is a small price to pay when it could be the difference between that car I have now and a _**Brand New Buick."**_

"Whatever Helen, just give me my breakfast."

All of a sudden, Helen had the idea what those initials stood for and logged onto the computer, her husband's complaining voice in the background as she typed in her first guess:

 _ **Carlos Santana.**_ While he was a musician it still counted right? Her first day of guessing done, Helen pulled out a note pad to write down her weeks worth of guesses, only hoping Angie didn't come up with the same ones she did.

"Lula, I'm not sure if _**Colonel Sanders**_ is a winner or not." Connie blew on her nails to dry them.

Lula huffed. "The Colonel beats the heck out of _**Sonny Corleone**_ , the C was the first one in the box. You got to get your head out of the mob. Don't matter though, we have six more days to figure it out. After all we are the best at what we do, right?"

Vinnie popped his head out and sneered, "You girls are the best all right...at doing nothing at all. _**Get to Work damnit!"**_

Helen and Angie talked later on the phone that evening about the bars...each confided in the other what they guessed it was, relieved that neither one had chose their entry.

Hector and the men were laughing their asses off reading all the entries pouring in for the first day, their listening devices came alive on the computers that happened to be 'gifted' to certain families. That red dot placed strategically on the monitors going unnoticed by all who used it. One resident actually guessed _**Santa Claus**_.

 **o0(Tuesday)0o**

Helen and Angie got to the Tasty Pastry first once again. When she got home with her box, Frank was grumbling about brownies for breakfast, but she needed her clue. Today's box once again contained two brownies, but today they said _**P**_ and _**M**_. Helen was trying to decide if she should enter today's guess as _**Paul McCartney**_ when Frank interrupted her train of thought. "I've got a busy day today. Did you happen to see those signs on the neighbors yard you passed by? I went out to get the newspaper this morning and those bright yellow signs say the same damn thing as yesterday's brownies. Those very initials."

Snorting her displeasure over having missed the signs altogether, she went to the front door only to see what her husband was talking about.

15x15 inch signs loitered on the neighbors yard directly across from her.

 _ **C + S**_

The next yard also had the initials from the bars all on bright yellow paper. Gently blowing in the breeze, all the signs seemed to be leading her down a path to the Buick, which was all she cared about. She was going to win this contest, Damnit!

Later that evening, Helen once again called Angie to go over their answers. Helen was a little jealous, Angie's answers of _**Cruise Ship**_ and _**Port Moresby**_ were not only good, but nothing Helen would have thought of herself. Angie reminded her she'd be driving them both for the next day and making sure to coincide the time to be outside. Both ladies became aware of the signs popping up all over the 'Burg as each had connections to the same folks.

What did _**C + S**_ stand for anyway?

Across town, Connie looked at Lula like she was crazy. "You're letting all that hair color get to your head. there is no way that _**M**_ and _**P**_ stand for _**Mr. Potatohead**_."

 **o0(Wednesday)0o**

Even though it was the third day of the contest, the line at the Tasty Pastry showed no signs of letting up. The owner of the store was shocked that no one seemed to notice that the 'brownies' were actually healthy.

Just as the front door was opening, there was a noise overhead. The ladies looked up to find a small plane flying overhead. The gigantic yellow banner trailing behind it was a sight to behold. written on it was once again _**C+S**_ , but now joining it was yesterday's clue, _**M+P**_. Helen was glad that it was too late to guess for those clues.

Today's clue held the usual two brownies, one with a chain and one with a ball. Helen wondered what kind of concert was going to feature _**Carlos Santana, Paul McCartney, The Beach Boys,**_ and _**Alice in Chains.**_ Angie decided that the clues were for a _**Cruise Ship to Port Moresby**_ where guests will have a _**ball**_ cruising around the _**Chain**_ of islands that make up Oceania. Lula guessed that you got to meet _**Colonel Sanders**_ and _**Mr. Potatohead**_ at a _**Baseball Game**_ where they would be served _**Sausage Links.**_ The men at Rangeman howled with laughter as Hector read each entry.

 **o0(Thursday)0o**

On the final day of the contest, everyone was given a large box. inside were a half dozen brownies, with all of the previous clues spelled out:

 _ **C, S**_

 _ **M, P**_

 _ **(ball), (chain)**_

All of the women were anxious to race home and submit today's guesses without delay. After she finished her entry, Helen called Angie to talk about the Contest. Helen didn't tell her friend, but since she had already guessed the concert, today she "Borrowed" Angie's answer and submitted the cruise guess. Helen told her friend just before hanging up, "I haven't been this regular since I was in rehab and drinking prune juice all the time." As she hung up the phone, she glanced out the kitchen window. **What the Hell?**

Mayor Juniak swiveled in his office chair and spoke on the phone. "Yes, Governor. No, Governor. No, that will not be necessary, sir. Thank you, I will, sir. Thank you. Goodbye." Once he hung up his phone, he spoke to the men seated across from him. "The next time you want to pull a stunt like this, I'm not giving you the permits. I forgot to tell the Governor about the skydivers you were sending out there today. He got so many panicked phone calls that he was ready to send the National Guard." The corner of Ranger's mouth lifted in a smile. Joe Juniak shook his head and laughed. "Hell with it. Next time you want to pull a stunt like this, you go right ahead. I haven't seen the Burg this riled up since Vinnie got caught with that duck."

The men stood and shook the mayor's hand. He escorted them to the door and Frank Plum said, "You're going to Rangeman tomorrow to see the prize announcement?" Joe Juniak nodded enthusiastically. "Good, Hector's got cameras all over the place to catch every reaction from every angle. I can't wait to see the _**Grand Prize."**_


	3. Winners and Losers

**A HUGE thanks to everyone who read and reviewed... Unlike those Burg Busybodies, most of you got the answer right! Fictional 2015 Buick Lacrosses for EVERYONE! (notice the word FICTIONAL) :-) Without (much) further ado, let's find out who won!**

 **All the characters belong to JE, but the mistakes are mine. I get nothing from this except for the warm fuzzy feelings from all the great reviews. (no fictional car for me)**

 **o0(Friday)0o**

Stephanie walked into the conference room and smacked Les on the back of his head. He winced and rubbed the spot. "What the hell?"

She put a hand on her hip. "Ball and Chain? Really?"

He tried to look innocent. "What do you mean, Beautiful?"

She wiggled her finger at him. "Don't even try to pretend. I know it was you."

"The brownies were your idea, beautiful. You and Ella came up with that one."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but Ella and I decided on a ring and a heart for the third clue."

He grinned, unrepentant. "That was too easy to guess. You should see what some people thought of the other clue. All I'm gonna say is that I'm pretty sure your grandma has read Fifty Shades of Grey." He shuddered as he remembered the entry Edna Mazur submitted.

Steph laughed. "Serves you right." Her gaze wandered up to the head of the table, and she squealed wth delight. Abandoning Les, She ran to the other end of the room and jumped into the waiting arms of her godfather. "Uncle Joe! You here to watch the fireworks?"

He laughed and set her back down. "I wouldn't miss it for all the donuts at Tasty Pastry." He took a step back and looked her over. Smiling, he said, "You look happy, kiddo."

She smiled back. "I am happy, Uncle Joe. This is where I belong."

Hector walked up to them and handed the mayor a large envelope. "You won the pool, congratulations."

Stephanie looked at her godfather in shock. "You bet on me?"

Joe smiled and handed her the envelope. "I bet on you doing what was best for you. I knew you would never be a Burg housewife, and I figured Ranger was the guy for you. I was just lucky with the month. And hey, this way you get a wedding present that has been building up for years!"

Stephanie opened the envelope and was stunned by all the crisp hundred dollar bills inside. She looked up at her godfather and he said, "No matter who won, we were always going to give the money to you. You deserve it, kiddo."

After some more small talk, Stephanie went to the buffet and got breakfast for herself and Mayor Juniak. She settled them down next to Ranger's spot at the head of the table, and they waited for the fun to start. Ranger walked in the door, grabbed a bagel and a bottle of water and sat next to them. Once he was seated, the lights were lowered and the bank of monitors lit up to show the scene unfolding on the other side of town.

The parking lot at the Tasty Pastry was roped off so that no cars could come in. There was one car in the lot, but it was covered with a sheet. This must be the grand prize 2015 Buick that Helen was sure she would be driving away in. Next to the car was a small stage with a podium. Even though there were no cars, the parking lot was filled to capacity with residents of the Burg. It seemed like everyone was there to find out who won.

The owner of the Tasty Pastry walked up on the stage and stood behind the podium. "May I have your attention, Ladies and Gentlemen?" The noise quieted down as everyone turned to her. "I want to thank everybody for participating in our little contest. The brownies were such a hit that we will be selling them from now on. In order to make room for these wonderful treats, we will be taking cupcakes off the menu." There was a lot of noise at that announcement, but no one sounded particularly mad.

"Now that that's out of the way, let's get to the reason why you're all here." She waved her hand towards the sheet covered car. "Surprisingly, there was only one correct entry. Frank Plum, are you here?" Helen was stunned. She didn't even know that Frank had entered the contest, nevermind entertain the possibility that he could win. How could she have been wrong?

Frank walked up onto the stage and shook the owners hand. He had known the answer to the riddle, but on the off chance that someone else guessed correctly, they would have had a real raffle and given away another car. The owner leaned back towards the microphone. "Frank, will you tell everybody what the clues meant while we reveal your prize?"

Frank smiled and looked out over the assembled crowd. Whe he found his wife, he looked straight into her eyes and said, "Carlos Manoso and Stephanie Plum are married."

The owner pulled the sheet back to reveal a fully loaded, beautiful black 2015 Buick Lacrosse. There were flames on the hood of the car and pinstripes along the sides. The vanity license plate said, "Babe". On the back fender was the Rangeman logo, but it was the doors that caught everyone's attention. Written in an airbrushed script was 'Carlos Manoso & Stephanie Plum' with the date of the weekend before.

Helen looked from her car to her husband and back again. Suddenly her eyes rolled up and she crashed to the ground. When she came to, she was propped up against the side of the 'Grand Prize', right next to the newlywed's names. The lot was clearing now that the contest was over. She looked at Frank. "What happened?"

"You passed out again. I went and dragged you over here so that you wouldn't get stampeded. Pretty much everyone took a picture of you then left."

She looked around, "Where's Angie? We were carpooling and I need to get home." After this morning, she really needed a drink, but Frank didn't need to know that.

Frank's smile got even wider. "She left already. She was muttering to herself in Italian, so I don't think she was too happy. I'll tell you what, my cab is only a block away. Why don't you take my new car home and I'll see you at dinnertime?" He tossed her the keys and walked away.

Helen looked at the paint job, shook her head and said, "Why me?" She got in the car and started it up. The inside was beautiful, it had every bell and whistle. Why couldn't it be a normal car like everyone else drives?

 **o0(Still Friday)0o**

Joe Morelli was happy to be home after six months undercover. Sure, he had broken up with his cupcake before he left, but he always did that and they always got back together as soon as he came home. He left the train station and got into the first taxi available. Giving the driver the address to Stephanie's apartment he sank back into the seat and thought about what he wanted. Sex, a hot shower and about five hours of sleep, preferably in that order.

When the driver pullled up in front of the building, Joe paid him and grabbed his duffle bag. He walked in the front door to the building and noticed the back door swinging shut. There was also a desk in the lobby now, but he didn't care about that. He hit the button for the elevator and was secretly glad that it was empty when it showed up.

Joe let himself into her apartment. He knew that she understood their breakup was temporary since he didn't giver her back her key and she didn't change the locks. Hearing a noise from the bedroom, Joe pulled his gun and crept forward.

The sight of Edna Mazur riding Stephanie's 800 year old neighbor Mr. Woleski like a bucking bronco almost gave him an instant stroke. He dropped his gun and covered his eyes shouting, "Jesus!"

The noises on the bed stopped, but Joe didn't uncover his eyes. Edna said to him, "Either get naked and get over here or get out, those blue pills don't grow on trees you know."

Joe bent over and groped blindly for his gun. Once he found it, he backed quickly out of the room. By the time he made it to the living room, he was hyperventilating. He sat down on Stephanie's couch and put his head between his knees until he could breathe again. He left the apartment and locked the door behind him. Once he was out in the hallway, he realized that he didn't have a car and needed a ride. He called the first number that he could think of. "Hi, Ma?"

Angie Morelli laid into him as soon as she heard his voice on the phone. "Joseph Anthony Morelli, I have never been so embarassed, and this is **ALL YOUR FAULT!** I've been busy planning your wedding with Helen, and you didn't think it was important to tell me that **you broke up with the only girl that would still have you?** "

Joe was really starting to sweat now. "Ma, we're just on an off phase. We'll get back together, we always do."

Angie wasn't finished yelling at him. "And how are you going to do that? I just found out today that she moved out of her apartment a month after you left! She moved into that building on Haywood Street, and you weren't here to do anything about it! Today I found out that just last weekend..."

Joe didn't want to hear any more. He made crackling noises and said, "Ma? I can't hear you, you're breaking up. I'll call you later." He quickly ended the call.

Wanting to get the version of events that didn't paint him as the bad guy, he called Helen Plum. When she answered he said, "Helen, could you do me a favor and pick me up at Stephanie's old apartment?"

Helen said, "Oh, Joseph, of course I will. Let me just go home and change cars. I'll be there in a half an hour."

He ran his hand through his hair. "I really don't want to wait that long. Is there any way you can get here sooner?"

He could hear her sigh. "Okay, Joe. I'll be there in five minutes."

Joe was standing in front of the building when Helen pulled up in front of Stephanie's building. When he saw the paint job on the side of the brand new Buick, he sat down in the middle of the sidewalk and hung his head in his hands. Helen got out of the car and knelt behind him, rubbing his back in soothing circles. "I'm sorry, Joseph, I didn't know about it until today. She stopped talking to me when I yelled at her for bringing that thug to dinner. Get in the car, I'll bring you to your house."

Joe got into the car and asked Helen to bring him to the police station, which was where he had left his own car. They drove there in silence, each of them cringing every time they stopped at a traffic light or stop sign. It seemed like everybody in the neighborhood wanted to get pictures of the two of them in the Babemobile.

When they pulled up in front of the police station, the pair got their next surprise. The billboard across the street had a huge pink neon heart with the words Carlos + Stephanie inside. The date flashed across the bottom in colorful lights. Helen buried her head in her hands and said, "Why me?"

Joe got out of the car and walked into the building. His hopes of not being noticed before he could get out the back door were instantly dashed. Most of the officers in the building were gathered around a huge box of donuts and Eddie Gazarra was holding a big envelope in his hands. He waved Joe over and said, "Have a donut on me, Joe. I just won the motherload."

Big Dog laughed and yelled, "Yeah, by betting against him."

Joe didn't say anything, just pushed past the crowd to get out. Eddie caught up with him just as he made it to the door and said, "Don't be sore, you're the one who broke up with her."

Joe really wanted to punch him, but that would only lead to trouble. Instead he said, "How could you bet against me, Eddie?"

Eddie grinned and said, "The way I figured it, one Ranger was all she'd ever need."


End file.
